Saturday, June 23, 2012

Fishy business..

I did NOT expect to get pregnant. In the past, I've tried, countless times with my ex, but now, with my new s/o, I didn't bother trying. I said welp, It's going to happen one day.. and it did, unexpectedly! I'm a baby fanatic; I offer to babysit my family member's babies, I don't care if I get paid or not because I LOVE it; I'd even baby sit day and night for a week if they'd let me. The longest I have, was three days with 6 month old twins, and I loved every moment of it. I love taking care of babies; giving baths, putting them down for bed, play time, and I like the challenge of calming down a crying baby. I think I may have a high tolerance for crying babies? ANYWAY! The thing is I have a small blood cyst. Never caused any problems, no missed periods, bleeding, etc. Yet this month, I get spotting, and a missed period, along with my grandmother telling me she dreamt of fish. Simply put: whenever anyone in the family is pregnant, she dreams of them. It doesn't even have to symbolize pregnancy, one time she dreamt of a big black fish, and sadly, she lost her aunt to cancer. When she told me she dreamt of fish, I was half on board. I mean before I was speculating if I was or not but after I tested, I was completely on board and sailing!

Friday June 23, 2012 ... 

My cousin who was waiting for the results, stood in the doorway and I smiled at her, my sign for YES, YES it's positive! My excitement was short lived though :S My gran told a cousin to tell ME: I need to go to the dr and do what I have to do... an abortion? My heart dropped, because out of everyone's excitement I had, I didn't have her support or anything. AND she calls herself a christian !!! She's probably thinking I'll suffer, or pregnancy will bog me down, given that I have a few health problems like: depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia. I slept off a little of that steam and anger and I have barely spoken two words to her. I don't know what to say yet. I'm still in shock about being pregnant, trying to let it sink in fully. Still feels like a dream ....

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